puzzled and ranting

Those of you who know me as a teacher know that my bark is worse than my bite. I might yell and scream and carry on when I'm confronted with absences, tardiness, irresponsibility, etc, but what's really going to happen to you is...nothing. I did that the past 3 years and I've outgrown it. Unfortunately, I still have this annoying lingering tolerance for excuses. That's like sympathy right? Or understanding, compassion? Isn't that a virtue? Ha. Not in the world of teaching. It's a sign of weakness!

But today during my Intermediate English Conversation class -- finally, finally, vindication for my patient, virtuous ways! I admit that I took pleasure in watching a girl squirm for most of the day. Served her right! People had been slacking off quite a bit on their presentations - aka, not showing up. Isn't that absurd? People also don't seem to care, so when that happens, I've taken to employing sarcasm and curtness, like looking at my attendance sheet and muttering, "Ok, so that's a 0 for Shirley..." Sometimes, students laugh. I don't get it. Like today, we started a debate about a Language Week tradition we have at the school, and at 8:05 I said, "Ok if any of your friends show up after 8:15, I'm putting them in the corner and they can keep their mouth shut all period." Again, laughter. Maybe I'm funny, who knows? "You don't get it, I'm serious," I told them.

A wide-eyed student of mine walked in at 9:10 and acted all hurt when I put her in the corner with a "Morning, you're late, sit over there, you're not participating today." She then proceeded to plead with me during the break when I asked her if she was taking a 0 for the presentation she never showed up for on Nov. 11. And then, "Oh, teacher, I had some things to take care of, can't I do it next week?"
Now, I could have easily given her yet another chance to make-up an assignment she missed. But I'm really glad I didn't. What would that have taught her? That excuses are effective? It bothered me that she would even ask.
"You mean when I have other stuff scheduled?"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah? You mean you want me to reserve a computer room for the entire period so you can do a 5-minute Powerpoint a month late?"
"Um, ok, so I have to do one today?"
"Yeah, you probably should try to do something impromptu now so you can get at least some sort of grade, instead of taking a 0."

And then, ah, the cherry on top. During her presentation, she was stumped as to how to explain something to the class, so she looked at me and said, "Um, teacher, can I explain it in Chinese?"

Is that some kind of a joke???? Aren't you an English major???? Idiot!

When it comes to college students, I just want to believe that when people don't come to class there is good reason. You know, like how I was raised when I was going to school. Ya get your ass to school unless you're deathly ill and/or bed-ridden. I want to believe that if you aren't taking your work seriously, you're prepared to face the consequences. I want to believe that if you're one of those students who stopped coming to class in October, you probably won't get a friendly welcome from me when you all of sudden grace us with your presence in December. And thanks for asking, but you will most likely fail the midterm because you've missed most of the lessons, so noooo, I probably won't be sympathetic and let you make it up. Even I'm not that nice.

Maybe we do have special ed. students in China. Gabs, you can come on over now.