end of days

June and July are the most humid months in Shanghai, called the “plum rain” days of summer, because it’s both plum season and incredibly rainy/muggy/sticky season. Basically, ick. Three showers a day kind of ick, and one of the main reasons I’m glad to be leaving Shanghai …clearly.

Even so...this morning coming home from the bank in a taxi that cost $1.25…walking through the heat to my favorite coffee shop to chat with Sophia the owner and sip my banana-honey milkshake…cleaning my little apartment with the big windows and wooden floors – yes, I was nostalgic.

Last night, I was so wrapped up in packing and thinking and moving about that by the time I was ready for bed, I looked up and my eyes met the rising sun against a rare pinkish Shanghai sky. It was surprisingly one of the softest, most peaceful sunrises I have ever seen. I smiled to myself as I mulled over this metaphor. How crass I often find this city, forgetting to notice its more beautiful and cultural parts.

And now, tonight. I’m not ready for sleep yet on this last night in Shanghai. 2am and the clock is ticking ever so closely to the 5am wake up call that will start my last day here. I am alone in my room, sipping jasmine tea, staring at my empty walls and closets, wondering when will be the next time I see this city. Wondering what turns my life will take this coming fall when I settle into yet another school to do the work I was born to do. A year ago, I was excited to live here, thinking it was a “brake” from the pace of NYC, then grew intensely annoyed with different aspects of this crazy city and – I’m not gonna lie – counting the days until I could go home. As was expected, I went through all the stages of cultural shock, multiple times it seems, and learned so much from the past 10 months. And now? Well, I like to look back and see how I’ve really come to accept this place and the many sides of it, and how thankful I am for the incredible opportunity I was given.

Many a Chinese has said to me that Shanghai is a cold city at first, that it takes time to learn to love this place. I think I’m a few steps closer to that now, as Shanghai finally opened itself to me – and I to Shanghai.