a lot to say

If you've kept in touch with me lately, you've heard me complain about the "children" I teach here in Shanghai. Yes, I do teach kindergarteners, actual "children" on the side, but for my daytime job, I teach 20-somethings at the university level, and they just about make me wanna pull my hair out every day! I often talk about them with disdain, because the majority are only children, due to China's one-child policy of 1979. So I've seen first-hand how from childhood (like my kindergarteners), they are spoiled to pieces by six adults (two parents + four grandparents) whose lives revolve around each little emperor or little empress. Many children don't pick up their own trash, scream at their parents, have their grandparents carry their bookbags from home to school (now this drives me NUTS), don't know how to share, and have a hard time doing what I considered simple and common in my childhood - play, fight, and make up with other children. Many times, these habits, or lack thereof, continue into adulthood. So I often - and I admit, sometimes unfairly - consider my university students spoiled, irresponsible, and narrow-minded.

As I continue to teach my kindergarteners, I am reminded of my time in Harlem, of my amazing colleagues, and of how hard we all worked to teach our children etiquette and social norms. Polo taught children how to walk in a straight line: Stay to the RIGHT, to the RIGHT!! Gabs constantly shook her head at inadequate table manners and taught them the right way. Medina was the role model of the century with her impeccable classroom environment. Garces loved each one as her own - and let them have it when they acted up. And I just screamed the hell out of them til they got the point! Here, I am continuing my education of social norms, but in a different way, and some days I get the feeling I'm really making a difference. Now my little ones are trained to say, not only "I'm sorry" but also to respond with "It's ok" when they hit each other (whether it be on purpose or by accident! Haha.)

The rules of the one-child policy have been changing and bending a bit in the past thirty years. For example, if you belong to one of the minority groups, such as the Uighur or Yao, the government permits you to have more than one child. If you're an only child and you marry someone who is also an only child, you can also have more than one child. I know, it's crazy, but it's reality, and judging from what I've seen in China, I have to say that the policy came out of sound reasoning and logic. There. are. too. many. people. here.

Of course, family planning restrictions would never go down in the U.S., but again, we don't have a population of 1.3 billion...

Shanghai is a booming metropolis, and quickly growing to become one of the most developed cities in the world. When I chose to come to Shanghai, I wasn't aware of the extreme differences between NYC and here. When I chose SISU, I also didn't realize that students here come from the richest of the rich. Their parents usually own very successful businesses or just make a lot of money, and they have the funds to send their child (singular, remember!) to a relatively expensive school like ours to study English, putting them a step ahead of the 20 million other people in this crazy city. The conversations usually go like this:
Me: So what does your father do?
Student A: He's a businessman.
Student B: He owns three textile factories in Wen Zhou.
Me: Ohhhh. Um, so what do you want to be when you grow up?
Student A: I want to be a businesswoman.
Student B: Yes, I want to make [much] money. I like money.
Me: ... ok ...

The other day, as one of my students was presenting to a diminished class of 9 students, a student walked in late and exclaimed, "Wow there are a lot of people here today!" As I continued to groan at the absolute ridiculousness and lack of work ethic from the back of the room, my ears suddenly perked up, as I noticed the direction the conversation was going. Alice's question to the class was: "What is a difficult decision you have made in your life?" She persisted in making sure every single person answered the question, and though it took about 40 minutes, it was intriguing, inspirational, and uplifting for me on many levels.

First of all, with one month left of the school year, I felt for the first time, my class was bonding and becoming a community, something we had never had before. I guess I never put too much time in doing that for them either. The class is a test prep class - and you all know how I feel about that. Imagine teaching to people who really wouldn't give a crap if it wasn't for the pressure exerted on them from their parents.

And that's why this conversation finally broadened my narrow mind about the lives of these students. Being an only child doesn't only lend oneself to being doted upon and spoiled - it comes with the unfortunate side effect of being, as one student put it, "the entire hopes and dreams of our family." That day, they spoke freely about the stress and decisions, headaches and heartaches that millions of youth in China experience.

My students talked about deciding to go abroad and leaving everything familiar behind - because it was expected of them from their parents; about failing college entrance exams and having no other choice but to study English; about unwillingly changing majors in college, from something they loved to something "practical"; and about not changing majors in college and dealing with the consequences of such from society and family. Karen, my older student, a great person and mother of a 14-year old, talked about raising a family, sacrificing her job, and deciding to move eventually for the sake of her son, not for her own benefit or comfort. I had never before seen this side of my students, as they openly discussed their life-changing decisions, and willingly shared them with me, the foreign teacher who maybe could never understand. That day, I realized with even more clarity how difficult it is for a Chinese person to just live.

And so, on this Mother's Day, I especially appreciate the amazing education my mother provided me as I was growing up. As I see more and more of life here, I am thankful every day that I had a sister to fight with, a brother to tease (someone who could beat me up now if he wanted to!), and parents that taught me the true values of life and hard work. In this way, I'm soooooo glad to be an American.